Our Secret

Have you ever had a secret that you were keeping to yourself and close family and friends knowing that eventually the time would come where you should share it with others as well? Jason and I have--we found out about six weeks ago some very difficult information about the baby I am carrying. Since we both are very private (me more so than Jason) we have waited to tell others. We needed time to digest the information and mourn the hope of having a healthy, perfect baby. Even now I am somewhat hesitant to share the information, I feel that now is the time to do so...

Our little girl has been diagnosed with what is called Hyper plastic left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) what this means in layman's terms is that her heart didn't develop correctly causing the left side of the heart to be non-functional. Luckily while she is still in utero she is fine and doing wonderfully (she moves even more than Morgan did!). However, when she is born she will immediately need to be placed on drugs that keep the valve open in her heart that normally closes within days of birth. The doctors will stabilize her and as long as she is doing well she will have her first of three surgeries within the first week of life. This surgery is the riskiest--they basically go into the heart and reconstruct it so that the right side of the heart is doing all the work--which it is not normally designed to do.

If the baby does well, she will then have the second surgery between 4-6 months of age. We were told that this is the least risky surgery because it doesn't consist of going directly into the heart (its working with the artery). The third and final surgery would be performed between 2-4 years of age. These surgeries are fairly new (about 20 years) so no one really knows how long the right side of the heart can sustain doing all the work, since it was designed to work only half of what the left side of the heart normally does. But the goal is to at least get the baby into childhood, so that if she needs a heart transplant--there is a greater chance of getting one the older you are.

I know it is quite a bit to digest and right now we are just waiting until July--till when she is born, since there really isn't much we can do now. It is extremely hard, I can't even bring myself to buy anything for her with fear that she will not make it. But, Jason, bless his heart has insisted that we buy something for her so he picked out this beautiful little dress for her.

We have already decided on a name for her. We were driving home from Jason's parents' house the night we found out about the baby's heart condition and I felt very strongly that we should name her Grace. Neither Jason or myself are big fans of names like Joy or Faith, so Grace was never a name we ever considered. As my mind thought of Grace I was reminded of the definition of Grace in the bible dictionary--"divine means of help and strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ. It is through the grace of the Lord that individuals receive strength and assistance [that they wouldn't] obtain left to their own means. Grace is an enabling power..." I suggested the name to Jason and he wasn't sure of it, but after praying and thinking about it both of us received confirmation that her name NEEDED to be Grace. We needed to have her name be powerful and meaningful--how much more power can there be than that that comes from the grace of God and the Atonement of Jesus Christ?

So that is our secret and now we have shared it with all...we don't want pity or anything else, just prayers that our little baby Grace will be strong, that she will be a fighter and that whatever the road she must travel will bring she will be able to endure it and enjoy life here with us and her big sister Morgan.

Cute story

I don't have much to say tonight or any pictures to post but I do have a cute little thing to share that Morgan did today. Though it was a chilly day, I tried to be outside as much as I could with her today. This evening before Morgan's bath, Jason and I took Morgan down to the duck pond to feed the ducks. However, there is some construction going on so all the ducks except for one have been scared off. So after we fed and annoyed the duck sufficiently and he flew away, we played with the ball for a while. Morgan got distracted and found a leaf on the ground, she looked around and up at the trees and then lifted the leaf toward the tree and said back, back. She wanted to put the leaf back on the tree, so I put it in a low branch and she proceeded to pick up all the leaves and give them to me to put back. Isn't it wonderful to see how a child's mind works and how they process things? They are so precious!!!

Family Pictures

I've been wanting to get a family picture done for quite some time, but have never seemed to have the right opportunity. So this past Sunday we all stayed in our church clothes and had pictures taken at Jason's parents' house. Now they aren't the best pictures considering that I'm pregnant and like all pregnant women feel that pictures of are disgusting and appalling--but here they are anyways.

Hair bows and fun pictures

A new craze seems to be making new hair bows for little girls--though I do not have the patience or talent in making them I know several people who do. But perhaps the most unique bows I have ever seen are made by one of my fellow hall advisors--she makes animal and insect bows. They are so cute!! She even made Morgan some--ducks, caterpillars, and snails, plus a football flower. Today Morgan wore the snails and looked adorable until she decided that she didn't want the 'pretties' (that's what she calls hair bows and barrettes) in her hair anymore.

If you are interested these bows, my co-worker's site is listed with my friends' blogs.

Today we also went up to Park City for a change of pace and found a little toy stroller that I have been wanting to get Morgan, but didn't know if she would like it. The toy store at the outlet store had a stroller out and Morgan wouldn't stop playing with it--so I made the purchase.

This evening when we got home we walked down to the duck pond with her pushing her baby in her new stroller. It was fun, but if you ask Jason--Morgan doodled too much and he would have rather pushed Morgan in her own stroller--instead of the baby doll's stroller, which she didn't really fit in.

Swearing In

Today I had the opportunity to attend the Swearing In of a very close co-worker. She was born and raised in Great Britain and has lived in the United States for several years now. About a month ago she took the Citizenship test--while studying for the test she shared with me all the things she was required to know, such as, specific details and information of the Amendments. I was astonished at what information she learned, I remember learning much of it in grade school, but can't recall any of it now and I'm sure that neither can most American citizens.

Anyways...it was quite the experience to witness such a special day not only for my friend but for another 197 people who took the oath to become a citizen. The ceremony, or should I say the court session was held in the Rose Wagner Theater in SLC. There were so many people there that we had to sit in the overflow area down in the basement. When the session began, we all had to stand as the court session began--that was then followed by students from a local Elementary school leading us in the Pledge of Allegiance, and then singing the National Anthem and several other patriotic songs that I did not know. Then all 198 people stood and took their oath--I was amazed that in the oath they had to denounce all loyalties to previous kings, leaders, etc.

After that several of the newest citizens were given the opportunity to share brief thoughts and feelings on their special day. All those that spoke, spoke of the many sacrifices and blessings that came through their efforts--it was such a humbling experience for me to see that what I take for guaranteed is a prized and valued gift to others. We truly are blessed to live in a country were we are free to live, believe and worship as we wish.

1st day of Nursery

As of next Friday (April 18th) Morgan will be 18 months old, so what does that mean--she gets to go to Nursery!! Since I have been called to be a Primary teacher, this makes Jason very happy because he can again enjoy his meetings without interruption.

So today I ducked out of the first hour of Primary and took Morgan to Nursery (I insisted that I be the one to take her, maybe it is a mother thing). I wasn't really worried about how she would do---those of you who know Morgan, know that she loves being with kids in almost any setting, but it was still kind of hard for me, she has gotten so big, so fast. (It seems like just yesterday she was taking her first step...time goes by so fast.)

Anyway, we walked in and she immediately found a toy and started playing, she stayed pretty close to me but still interacted with other kids and once she saw the bubbles the teacher was blowing she was mesmerized. Soon it was time for singing time and Morgan loved sitting on the little kid chairs and shaking the noise makers and clicking her sticks (they give the kids music makers to keep them engaged in the songs). However, 20 minutes is a long time for little ones to sit--Morgan eventually got up and walked around looking for a baby, which she found. But when the snack was pulled out she was captivated--she thought it was the coolest thing to be able to sit with lots of kids on chairs and eat apples, raisins and crackers.

When I slipped out, Morgan didn't even care--which I guess is a good thing. Jason looked in on her shortly after, he said he stuck his head in the door and when she saw him, she said "No" and immediately looked away. She is so independent!!

Friends

When I was in high school I was often told that many of the friends I then had would not be my friends in 5 years--not because we would fight and stop liking each other, but because as time passes people grow and change and become different and aren't as compatible.

I often wondered if this was the same case for friends that are made later in life; especially since there seems to be less time for friends as my family grows and I have more and more demands placed upon me and what seems to be less time for those outside my family. But I have come to learn that this is not the case with all friends, I have been lucky enough to have been blessed with several friends that no matter how much time passes without talking things are never awkward. These are the type of friends that are more like family, the friends that no matter what, you can always call them and they will be there.

So I guess what I am saying is thank you to those friends who are my sisters and will always be family. You know who you are and how grateful I am that we have been able to develop a life-long friendship.

Weekend Away.

Since January, Jason and I have been planning a little getaway for General Conference weekend--nothing big, we just wanted to leave Provo and get away from our apartment and our jobs. We decided to finally use the Timeshare that we bought last year and go up to the WorldMark Wolf Creek resort in Eden, UT. Since we enjoy being with family we got a condo big enough for us and all of Jason's family so we all could get away.

We went up Thursday night and the rest of the family joined us on Friday and Saturday. We really didn't do much but hang out and watch conference but what a difference it makes to just get away. We were only about 2 hours from Provo--but personally it felt like we were thousands of miles away.

I was impressed with how well Morgan did with the trip--she loved the space the two story condo had. She literally ran around and played almost nonstop. She also loved being with her Grandma and Aunts and Uncles--the attention that child gets is amazing. I love to see that she is able to feel of her family's love and express her love for them by wanting to be with them. But I think by far Morgan loves her Grandma the best--if Grandma left the room for more than 5 minutes, Morgan would walk around calling for grandma until she found her.

Here are some pictures from our Friday morning trip to the Tree House Museum in Ogden, UT. A great place to go and spend several hours--with so much to do.

Here she is at 'school.'

What will Morgan be when she grows up??

A firefighter? A Musician? But she can't reach the drums...

Maybe daddy will have to help. A Doctor.

Or maybe the future President. Thinking over some major decisions.