Tuesday, January 27, 2009

TERRIFIED

To say that I am terrified is an understatement...every time I think about Grace's surgery on Monday I get sick to my stomach. Logically I know she will be ok, she is so strong and determined but what if...? I'm not even going to entertain the what ifs here because heaven knows I have them running through my head nonstop everyday.

But I can't help but allow my house to be messier than normal so I can play and spend as much time as I can with Gracie. I take every opportunity to take pictures and videos of her these days because.....I am in love with my sweet baby and I pray and yearn that everything goes well on Monday and that Grace recovers and she will continue to improve and be better off than she is now.

Today I was playing with Gracie and I heard a glimmer of a giggle and wanted to cry because I immediately prayed that I will be able to hear many more giggles and laughs come from my baby's lips. That I will be able to see her big, beautiful eyes sparkle as she catches a glimpse of her sister coming towards her.

I know it isn't her time, it can't be. Gracie has so much to do and experience. She is too determined and stubborn to be beat. When Grace had her first round of surgeries and complications one of Jason's old neighbor's had a son spend a couple of nights in the PICU room next to Gracie and after taking some time in the middle of the night to sit with Gracie she made the statement that she thinks many times, an individual has to decide if they will give up and return Home or if they are going to continue to fight and stay here. This neighbor believed that Grace made her decision and wasn't going to give in, she wanted to be here too much. I have often thought of this and of my sweet little one and believe and know this is true. Gracie wants to be here, she wants to grow up with her sister and experience this mortal life---I only hope that it is Heavenly Father's will as well.

Please keep her in your prayers and thoughts, I know that the only way we are going to make it through all of this is with the strength, power and grace of Heavenly Father and our Dear Redeemer.

9 comments:

The G Fam said...

We are right there with you Deanna. We love Gracie girl! I told Heather today that Heavenly Father should know that I am going to P.O.'d if something happens. Our family and Gracie have all been through too much. I am saying mercy, I give. If I need to fast and need to be better about the small things, I will do it.
Love you guys!
Em and Mike

The Lewis Family said...

Nothing but prayers your way :)
~C

emily and kevin griffin said...

we will keep praying for you! you are doing great!

Shauna Miller said...

Deanna, having a new little one myself I just think you are amazing and Gracie is SO ADORABLE!Aaron and I will continue to pray for your beautiful family.

Douglas Lai said...

Praying for Gracie and your whole family. I understand your feelings to some extent because Eden will be going down a similar road some day. Perhaps sooner rather than later. We are currently inpatient as she threw up blood this morning.
Erica

The Taylors said...

Oh she is going to do GREAT! I have been keeping her in my prayers. Please let me know if yo need anything. Little Gracie has already prover herself to so many people. I don't think you need to worry. I know Heavenly Father knows what we can handle and wont give up something we can't. You are doing awesome and Gracie looks so good. I know it is very hard to not think about it. That is all I thought about forever. Its okay to let things go and don't worry about it. You have 1 very needy baby and another one to take care of. (I just don't let anyone come over anymore because my house is always a wreck now) Oh well. GOOD LUCK and I bet you will be home in no time. Things are so much different this time around. They go quickly and recover so much faster and YES I know Gracie is a stinker and likes to do things her way, I really know you don't have anything to worry about.
Love,
Chrissie

Aimee and Hardy said...

Deanna,

We're coming up Wednesday morning for Jack's post-op appointment. If it's okay with you, I'll swing by the PICU and see if you are around. Your Gracie is tough cookie and we'll be praying for her.

Aimee

Kenny & Michele Kingsford Family said...

We will keep Gracie and your family in our prayers. Good luck on Monday!

Heart Hugs
Michele

summer said...

We will be praying for you. She is a fighter for sure!!!