Saturday, March 7, 2009

Random thoughts

Gracie had a low grade fever yesterday but no one was too concerned, however today she spiked and so out went all the usually cultures. Her nurse today doesn't think she will grow anything especially since she is already on vanco--one of the heavy duty antibiotics. I really don't know what to think, the fever seems to be too high for just teething, but who knows, I can tell she has two just trying to cut through.

She could be agitated, she was moved out of her little private room out to the open area, she is now right next to the nutrition room and the tube system, so needless to say there are so many unpleasant noises all around that she could be bugged by them. Sometimes you just have to hope that the fever is nothing and that it will pass, especially because we want her to come home so badly.

I was driving up to the hospital and couldn't help but cry, I still just can't keep the thought of how fragile she is from being at the surface. I honestly don't know how those who have lost their little ones can keep going, my heart aches for them and the void that they will forever feel. Several times within the last few weeks various hospital personnel have suggested that Gracie's falls should help us be able to think of how far we are willing to go in her care or to help prepare us for the worse---I freak out at the thought of even thinking about those things. I honestly think that I would need to be committed if we lost Grace because my world would come crashing down, but hopefully we will not have to go down that road. We will hold on to hope and faith that our miracle will be that Grace can live a long, relative healthy life.


The G Fam said...

We pray Gracie lives a long life too, and hopefully one that is full of fun and not hospitals. As bad and as hard as it seems, the blessing of losing a child (or two) is that when you are living your life the way Heavenly Father would be pleased with, you are blessed to feel the ever-presence of your little ones. It is no consolation, I know, but it helps. It helps to heal, and helps you to begin to live your life without their physical bodies, and now just their sweet spirits. We love Gracie and cannot wait for her to come home! And I feel like crying with you, because sometimes life is just really hard. We will hang in there, as we know you will.
Love you guys.

Kaidence's Mommy said...

Hang in there! Kaidence also would spike high fevers on vanco while teething. They would also tell me that the fevers were too high for teething but they would never find any other reason for the fever. She was in the PICU long enough to cut a few teeth and it was the same everytime.

I understand the fragile and overwhelming feeling. I think all of us heart mom's fear the worst and hope with all out hearts for the best. I still worry about Kaidence everyday, knowing that mostly likely one day she will need a new heart again or that these meds that she is on to help her body not reject her heart will give her cancer. It gets me so down if I let myself dwell on it, but we just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other knowing that no matter what, God has a plan for each of our children. I try so hard to not waste my time and spend my memories with my children on worry's, but sometimes I do.
Hold on, and crying is good!!!

emily and kevin griffin said...

we keep praying for grace and your family and hope she keeps improving and can come home soon!

summer said...

Hang in there Deanna! Life is fragile, but Gracie is a Fighter! You are a wonderful Mommy and Heavenly Father knew that & that's why you have been blessed with your beautiful special Gracie. Keep your faith and hope strong! We continue to pray for Gracie and your family. With Love.